The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
