I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
