i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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