rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
