mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
