u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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