Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize