I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
