We named our party play list daddy issues
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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