my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I smell stomach acid.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
