There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
