we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
