I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
