ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
