And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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