The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
