Pants 0. Shit 1.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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