The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
