soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
