theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The air was thick with penises
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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