Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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