I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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