$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
