so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
