just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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