Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
porn star boner night. come get it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
