Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
