Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
