Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
