Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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