Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
