If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
