Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You have to summon your inner elephant
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
