I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
