all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
