The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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