You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
