Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
