I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
