I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
