using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
