i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My balls are so social today.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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