the condom got lost in my hair
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
