I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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