That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
