Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
