Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
