rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
