I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
