don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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