So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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