The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
