Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
