Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
