Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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