Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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