Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
