all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
