My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
