Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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