Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
