My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
