Barsexuality is the new black.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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