Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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