just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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